The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.
All other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that is suddenly
your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the top of
the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not
think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know
that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up,
is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat
you thereand manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom
for years - canine attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is:
1). Kiss me first ---- then
2). Go smell the other dog's butt.
I cannot stress this
Finally, in fairness, dear Scottie, I have posted the following message on the front
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here....you don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it “fur”-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy,
walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.